Navigating the Stress of Volleyball Tryouts: A Message to Young Athletes and Their Parents
“Control what you can control, known who you are, and have a realistic expectation of an outcome based on the work you have put in.”
The Pressure Is Real—And It’s Not Just About Skill
Tryouts can be one of the most emotionally charged experiences in youth volleyball. For players, it’s a moment of vulnerability—putting their skills, effort, and dreams on display for judgment. For parents, it’s a rollercoaster of hope, pride, and sometimes frustration. Whether you're a seasoned athlete or stepping into the gym for the first time, the stress of tryouts is real - and it's okay to feel it.
Scientific research confirms that participation in youth sports can significantly impact mental health. A study published by Scripps Health found that playing team sports helps reduce cortisol (the stress hormone), boosts serotonin (which regulates mood), and releases endorphins that promote well-being. However, the tryout process itself can be a source of anxiety, especially when outcomes feel unpredictable or unfair.
The Role of Politics in Team Selection
One of the most difficult truths in youth sports is that team selection isn't always purely merit-based. Coaches are human, and while many strive to be objective, subjective factors often influence decisions. According to Dr. Chris Stankovich, a sports psychologist, politics in youth sports (such as favoritism, personal relationships, and team dynamics) can sometimes play a role in who makes the top teams. This doesn’t mean coaches are intentionally unfair. Often, they’re balancing multiple factors: team chemistry, positional needs, leadership qualities, and yes, sometimes even parental involvement or club loyalty. It’s a complex puzzle, and unfortunately, deserving athletes can be overlooked. This is not something that you can control. A coach once told me to “force them to not cut you” by playing how I knew I could during tryouts.
Growth Doesn’t Always Happen on the Top Team
It’s natural to want to make the “A” team. It feels like validation. But here’s a powerful truth: development doesn’t always happen where prestige lives. On a top team, you might sit on the bench, get limited touches, and struggle to find your voice. On a lower-tier team, you might play every point, lead your teammates, and grow in confidence and skill. Leadership opportunities, game-time experience, and the chance to make mistakes and learn from them are often more abundant on teams where you're a key contributor.
Scripps Health emphasizes that youth sports are not just about winning. They are about building resilience, leadership, and life skills. Although playing time matters, so does being in an environment where you’re encouraged to take risks and grow.
Reframing the Tryout Experience
Control what you can control and let the rest go. Here are a few ways to reframe the tryout process for both players and parents:
Focus on effort, not outcome. Did you give your best effort? Did you bring your energy and support others? Did have a good attitude?
Understand the coach’s perspective. Coaches are evaluating more than just skill. They are looking at attitude, coachability, and team fit.
Use setbacks as fuel. Not making the team you hoped for can be a powerful motivator. Many athletes come back stronger the next season because they used disappointment as a catalyst for growth. Be the one that can convert the energy into making yourself better.
Celebrate the opportunity to play. Whether it’s the top team or not, being part of a team is a gift. Every practice, every game, every teammate is part of your journey. Not every journey is smooth.
Advice for Parents
Parents play a crucial role in how athletes process tryouts. Here are a few tips:
Validate your child’s feelings. Disappointment is real. Let them feel it, but help them move forward. Let them start the conversation when they are ready.
Avoid blaming “politics” in front of your child. Even if you suspect favoritism, focus on what your child can control - effort, attitude, and engergy.
Ask constructive questions. Instead of “Why didn’t you make the top team?” ask “What can we work on together to help you grow this season?”
Support their love of the game. Remind them why they started playing volleyball in the first place. At the end of the day this is a sport, and sport is fun. Once that is brought to the court, the rest will follow.
Final Thoughts
Tryouts are just one moment in a long journey. They don’t define your worth or your future in the sport or life. Whether you make the top team or not, what matters most is how you respond. The goal of sports is not only about being on the top team and winning. Sport is meant to teach and grow resilience, teamwork, and leadership. Those qualities shine brightest when the lights are dimmest.
So, to every young athlete reading this: keep showing up, keep working hard, and keep loving the game. Life will always throw a challenge at you. It is important to learn how to transfer that negative energy into productive energy. And to every parent: your support, perspective, and encouragement are the foundation your child stands on.
